Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?

Was the Attack an Inside Job?

Uncomfortable Questions: Was the Death Star Attack an Inside Job?



Websurdity Link: This article was inspired by the fine users at the James Randi Educational Foundation (JREF) Forum, to whom I am indebted for the use of much of this material.

We've all heard the "official conspiracy theory" of the Death Star attack. We all know about Luke Skywalker and his ragtag bunch of rebels, how they mounted a foolhardy attack on the most powerful, well-defended battle station ever built. And we've all seen the video over, and over, and over, of the one-in-a-million shot that resulted in a massive chain reaction that not just damaged, but completely obliterated that massive technological wonder.

Like many Americans, I was fed this story when I was growing up. But as I watched the video, I began to realize that all was not as it seemed. And the more I questioned the official story, the deeper into the rabbit hole I went.

Presented here are some of the results of my soul-searching regarding this painful event. Like many citizens, I have many questions that I would like answered: was the mighty Imperial government really too incompetent to prevent a handful of untrained nerf-herders from destroying one of their most prized assets? Or are they hiding something from us? Who was really behind the attack? Why did they want the Death Star destroyed? No matter what the answers, we have a problem.

Below is a summary of my book, Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack, which presents compelling evidence that we all may be the victims of a fraud of immense proportions.


Uncomfortable Questions about the Death Star Attack

The cover of Uncomfortable Questions: An Analysis of the Death Star Attack


1) Why were a handful of rebel fighters able to penetrate the defenses of a battle station that had the capability of destroying an entire planet and the defenses to ward off several fleets of battle ships?

2) Why did Grand Moff Tarkin refuse to deploy the station's large fleet of TIE Fighters until it was too late? Was he acting on orders from somebody to not shoot down the rebel attack force? If so, who, and why?

3) Why was the rebel pilot who supposedly destroyed the Death Star reported to be on the Death Star days, maybe hours, prior to its destruction? Why was he allowed to escape, and why were several individuals dressed in Stormtrooper uniforms seen helping him?

4) Why has there not been an investigation into allegations that Darth Vader, the second-ranking member of the Imperial Government, is in fact the father of the pilot who allegedly destroyed the Death Star?

5) Why did Lord Vader decide to break all protocols and personally pilot a lightly armored TIE Fighter? Conveniently, this placed Lord Vader outside of the Death Star when it was destroyed, where he was also conveniently able to escape from a large-sized rebel fleet that had just routed the Imperial forces. Why would Lord Vader, one of the highest ranking members of the Imperial Government, suddenly decide to fly away from the Death Star in the middle of a battle? Did he know something that the rest of the Imperial Navy didn't?

Emperor Palpatine fails to act after being informed of the attack


6) How could any pilot shoot a missile into a 2 meter-wide exhaust port, let alone a pilot with no formal training, whose only claim to fame was his ability to "bullseye womprats" on Tatooine? This shot, according to one pilot, would be "impossible, even for a computer." Yet, according to additional evidence, the pilot who allegedly fired the missile turned off his targeting computer when he was supposedly firing the shot that destroyed the Death Star. Why have these discrepancies never been investigated, let alone explained?

7) Why has their been no investigation into evidence that the droids who provided the rebels with the Death Star plans were once owned by none other than Lord Vader himself, and were found, conveniently, by the pilot who destroyed the Death Star, and who is also believed to be Lord Vader's son? Evidence also shows that the droids were brought to one Ben Kenobi, who, records indicate, was Darth Vader's teacher many years earlier! Are all these personal connections between the conspirators and a key figure in the Imperial government supposed to be coincidences?

8) How could a single missile destroy a battle station the size of a moon? No records, anywhere, show that any battle station or capital ship has ever been destroyed by a single missile. Furthermore, analysis of the tape of the last moments of the Death Star show numerous small explosions along its surface, prior to it exploding completely! Why does all evidence indicate that strategically placed explosives, not a single missile, is what destroyed the Death Star?

Daily UP Digest for 2-27-07

Well at 11am Eastern time, it's turning out to be a very interesting day on UP.

We have Adelaide trying to prove (unseccessfully) for about the 800th time how France won America's independance. Not that it matters, or that anyone cares at this point. But there are still a few people kind enough to try and nominate Addy for a pwning of the week.

Dick Cheney was in Afghanistan today, where he apparantly felt like getting bombed, and I don't mean getting coked out of his mind at one of G-dubbs frat reunion parties. He was apparantly the target of a Taliban bomb attack at a US military base. Unfortunately, the Veep wasn't harmed, but this should be a huge talker for the day.

Also, BIDBP, somehow managed to earn a 'delete all/ban' for something he "said". Among argueing about it, GKIII also earned a day pass to 'Happy ban land'. So this is basically your warning. There is a Mod out there who is extrememly pissy today, so watch your mouth.

On a sad note, it seems one of the better posters will be taking a leave from us. Aeros, a member of the American military, has received orders that he will be deployed to Baghdad in the upcoming weeks, and may not be able to post for a while. While we all may not have agreed with opinions, I for one, appreciated his style, and his class. He was more articulate than most posters, and tried to use more self-written pieces than parrotting news articles. I liked that. I, and many posters have already wished him the best of luck in his tour in Iraq. May he return safely.

More to come as stories develop.

The UP Week That Was, 2-19, 2-24 , 2007

Since starting this blog on Thursday, Feb 22nd, I don't have the greatest recollection of what happened early in the week. I'll do the best of what I can remember, which thanks to many drugs, isn't much.

Early in the week, it seemed as if we had a massive HOer invasion. They came after we were infiltrated by the worthless poster Poison. After suffering massive ownages, we must have limped home the to the HO. Which opened the floodgates to more HOers spamming our beloved board. As of this posting, the HOer invasion seems to have subsided for the time being.

Arab/Muslim kept on his religious crusade promoting Islam and it's writings of the Koran, which is getting to be a rather old routine. Other posters are also getting bored with use of the term 'xtian' when referring to Christians, and the religion Christiantity. Other than that, it's the same ole same ole. As is often the case when there is nothing tremendously news worthy.

Billah reminded us all he likes sex. Someday he may actually get to try it.

GKIII reminded us the Colts won the Super Bowl. Also it must be noted that this event has seemed to coincide with his personality change. He seems oddly compassionate now.

The boring 'console wars' have tamed some. From an average of 5 threads at one time from various fanboys, we are down to 1 or 2 at the most. Thanks be to which ever god you prefer.

FSM got owned when he went to Buffalo. Imagine this... Trying to use foreign currency in any country, and not getting crushed on the exchange rate at a place not designed to exchange at fair market value. Apparently FSM thinks that Canadians are 'fair' and would never try and scam Americans trying to use American currency in Canada. Many posters came on to set him straight on that notion.

That about does it for the news topics that I recall... If I missed anything noteworthy, let me know.

On to the PWNAGE O' THE WEEK!

There were 2 leading candidates for the award this week, with a few honorable mentions:
First the Honorable Mention:

Adelaide/Skye - He gets a mention not from any quality ownage, but just the sure quantity of pwnings. I believe at one point he had 8 posts on the board all about Britain and how it was basically lying in flaming ruins as we speak. Which of course, is not remotely true. It's also worth mentioning the fracophile also seems to think Britain is a part of Continental Europe. Pure gold.

Muslim - Refuses to actually argue any point that may dispute his view on the world. Just calls people idiots and goes on reciting whatever he wants. Generally gets crushed on just about everything. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

2nd place The Children - This week TC tried to claim all of North America for his own because someone found some silly Chinese coin, that they think is from 1466 or something. That should be good enough, but no. Lazarus was good enough to come along and kick some history into TC's brain-dead head, which TC replied with his standard canned phrases of 'you are a worthless burger flipping dishwashing immigrant! know your role, and shut your mouth!' or something like that. Never minding that back then, might made right, and since that land was undefended for years, the Mexicans/Spaniards kicked what little Chinese power there was there, and then the Americans wiped them up... Thus denouncing TC's original claim null and void anyway. Oh well. Thanks for the laughs TC, You should have this week.

WINNER of the Inaguaral PWNAGE OF THE WEEK!! -

KindFluffySteve -
This week Steve went on one of his patented 'Communism is Great' rants, harking back to the grandiose days of the USSR. He really didn't have any facts or figures to back up this 'glory' just sheer wanton desire to see his hopes and dreams of never actually have to work for a living come true. But that's not where the PWNING came from. He was doing alright, until the actual Russians showed up. You know, the ones that either actually lived through, or had family that lived through the Soviet Union. They pretty much came in and handed him has hat, slapped some mustard on it, and feed it to him for breakfast. Jergul even managed to redeem a shred or two of credibility by giving Steve his lunch. Congratulations Steve. That was a classic beating. Hopefully one that won't soon be forgotten.

Rules for the PWNING O' THE WEEK:
Basically you have to start a thread, and get your ass kicked in it.
I'm not going to go through threads looking for random people getting crushed by other random people. Just thread starters getting crushed.

At least in the beginning....

Have a great week all! Thanks for reading!

Daily UP Digest for 2-23-07

Here are the top stories on the Utopia Politics board for February 23rd, 2007

Israel-Syria talks
haartz.com, Posted by CrownRoyal

China Combats Internet Addiction
Cbsnews.com, Posted by alexzakil

Beaver Spotted in NYC!!! (and no, it wasn't Brittany Spears)
USAToday.com, Posted by Eikey1729

Europe's Plan to Track Phone and Net Use
NYTimes, Posted by sarvik

French lab techs erred in Landis case
FoxSports.com Posted by Attack Con Dog

OT and unlinked topics:
Hockey Brawl- OTT v BUF (video on this page)
Story from Foxsports.com, Posted by Eikey1729

What if we lose Iraq?
Opinion piece by Hotrod

Don't mess with the elderly
Posted by Lizard

Upset Students! (board topic) (picture in question)
Opinion piece posted by Gray Lotus

I'M GONNA DIE!!!
posted by carbonated water
Apparantly it snows in Wisconsin... Go figure.


Check back for more updates as the day progresses!

Daily UP Digest for 2-22-07

There isn't much going on today, so this will be the format for the daily 'digest'.

KFC asks for papal approval of new fish sandwich
- USA Today posted by Eikey1729

Egypt blogger jailed for 'insult'
- BBC, Posted by Eikey1729

Bush's war on Terror
- Generationq.net, Posted by Real Fred

Finding the God Particle
- physorg.com, Posted by NeverWoods





This will be updated as I see important things to talk about rather than random drivel, and topics that are thrown up specifically designed to troll. (TC's topics)

Along with the poster who posted it, and such... Comments will be taken here, and of course, not be deleted 'Nazi Mod' style.

I hope everyone enjoys this.

-Eikey.

Welcome to the Clearing House!

Well I guess it took 20 mins for the prelim set up...

Let me know what you think.

Thanks